This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
