1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
