I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
