Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
