remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
