I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
