I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
birth control should be required to get into college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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