i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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