Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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