WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
