i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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