UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
