the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
