Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
