Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
