i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
