New invention idea: vibrating tampons
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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