I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
