last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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