Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
