good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
