my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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