some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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