You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
