What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got chris browned last night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize