dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
