i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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