Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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