At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
