Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
