I showed him my bush... on skype.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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