I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
