She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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