so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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