Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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