whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
