i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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