I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
