Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
