did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize