i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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