my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
