is your mom at the bar?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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