So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
