i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
