tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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