jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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