She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
