so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
