You're so nebulous sometimes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Text me some of your sweat
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
