Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fill condoms, not promises.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
