Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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