So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize