Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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