what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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