okay pat passed out under dana's car
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
