i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
