you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
