Your face is a jimmy john
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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