I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
