the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
