Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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