instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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