just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
