She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
