You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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