garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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