hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
