i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
