My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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