Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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