would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize