I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
