i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
