This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
