It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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