i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
