My first STD was from a foam party
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize