For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
