I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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