a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
