i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sober January is a disaster.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
