You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
