from now on my penis is your penis
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
