pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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