nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize