how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
