I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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