we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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