Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
